Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Why Babies Make Perfect Ninjas

Move over Hit Girl, you're too near retirement for my purposes.

I have a four month old son, and it seems pretty clear to me that babies would make perfect ninjas.  I keep telling my wife we need to change his middle name to "No Surrender" but so far she isn't biting.

Now you may ask, why would a baby make a good ninja?  Well, they pretty much have the perfect martial arts training program down cold from birth. 

Combat Rolls: Griffin has long mastered rolling from his back onto his stomach, but rolling from his stomach to his back has eluded him.  Just the other day though his mother and I looked away for a few moments, and when we turned back, he had silently flipped himself from his stomach to his back, completely undetected.  Not only is he working on his rolls, his stealth training is coming along nicely.

Headbutts:  Often and without warning Griffin will let loose with a mighty headbutt, to which I wince in pain and he carries on his business like nothing happened.  That will come in useful when he needs to blend into a crowd.

The Hand is Faster Than the Eye:  Before I can react Griffin has often swatted at my glasses, knocking them off or askew.  However, the other day he reached out and plucked them clean off my face before I could stop him or register he was doing so.

Surgical Strikes:  Griffin has, specifically and obviously, targeted my throat with precision kicks while we are playing on the floor or on the bed.  He has also pummeled my stomach sufficiently to induce nausea while playing on the couch.

Clearly the boy is a master martial artist in training.  I wonder if I could get away with putting him in a Dragonball Z outfit for Halloween...

No comments:

Post a Comment